I’ve been a bad/sad mood lately. Well, I guess I should say that I’ve been fighting off a bad/sad mood. I’m normally a pretty happy kind of girl. My standard mode of operation when something troubling happens, is to get upset, vent, vent again, pray, repent, and then I’m usually over it. Just like that. I don’t dwell or ponder like I used to. (although Rob doesn’t always agree with this statement, so I might be in denial) It makes for a happier home when I don’t freak out on unsuspecting family members too, and I prefer a happy home… and denial.
So, I was trying to figure out where this bad/sad mood is coming from and I had few ideas. First and foremost, it’s the devil. He’s always to blame, so I will give him the credit where it’s due. I also think life as a Mother of four, self-employment, home-schooling, and being involved in youth sports, give ample opportunities for stress. Plus, I haven’t been to an all you can eat pizza buffet in 11 weeks…Seriously. With all of that driving me nuts regularly, I think I’ve narrowed it down to one new thing that has happened recently.
My second son moved out last weekend. I was pretty neutral about it, so I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I am very proud of him, and I know he can manage out in the world. He’s twenty-one years young and extremely responsible, for the most part. The thing is though, this is the third adult kid to go and do things their way, contrary to my recommendations. Really. I would think that sooner or later even one of my kids would go, “huh… wow… Mom is almost always right about stuff… Maybe I should try it the way she suggested?… Hmmmm. Yea!… I’m going to listen to my Mom!” (Sorry, I really walked down that dream road for a second…)
The funny thing about that is, I am the same way. I never listened. I did everything the hard way and it sucked. Life was hard and it didn’t have to be. That’s one of the downsides to being strong-willed. Do I have regrets? Well, no. I can’t, because then I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I am a living testimony of what God can do with a strong-willed life. (can I get an AMEN?)
It’s wanting that testimony for our own kids wherein the problem lies. The trials we go through is where our growth and character comes from. (Rom.:5:3-4) It’s usually when we are in the middle of a mess, that we cling to God the most. We are real quick to realize our need for Him at those times, instead of the times when life is all peachy and we are feeling self fulfilled. So, I’ve prayed every day for my kids to walk with God. I pray for them to have a love and desire for Him that exceeds all else in their lives. Even when we are the cause of our mess, can we truly appreciate a Savior, if we never feel the need for one? Can that come without trials? I don’t know. I really hope so.
I’m a big talker of faith, and I’ll be the first to share how God has worked things for good in my own life. I do live in grateful awe every single day that I am forgiven. It’s walking all of that out as a Mama where I trip sometimes. It makes the Word so real for me, as God tells us His way, out of His love for us, we continually do things our own way anyway.
Letting go, and having faith in God over our kids lives is not the easiest thing to do. I know He loves them even more than I can imange. I hate that God has no grand-children, but then on the other hand, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
If you have any advice for this mom with 3 empty bedrooms…. Please share.