Dear friends –
thank you for your support and following this blog, even though I have neglected it terribly. I know I need to write again, and I plan to!
Apparently my account has been hacked – I have been working yesterday afternoon and this morning already to try and solve the problem. It’s not as easy as I thought –
Please forgive me – I hope to have it fixed today.
Thank you!
jennifer
I’m a Mom. My children are all grown now, except for the baby, but he’s half way to 18, so I am working on letting him go too. I am also finally a grandma! We are even expecting a little boy this month. (I’m just too excited to function sometimes!)
I was praying for my kids this morning, and was overwhelmed by the love I have for them. I was also overwhelmed with gratitude for the honor it has been, and still is, to be their Mom. I was also reflecting on how blessed I have been to have raised my children, and all of the memories that come with that…. So, I thought I’d share.
Raising kids has been the most challenging, rewarding, heart breaking, joyous, painful, growing process of my life. Just when you think you got it, a new level opens and it’s brand new.
Babies were tuff, but OH so amazing!! Even the long nights, when I thought I was going to pass out (and I did a few times) I just couldn’t get enough of watching them grow. Those “firsts” will always be remembered. I learned pretty quickly to not rush those things. Everything comes in time.
Toddlers were exhausting, but a constant source of smiles, giggles and exhaustion. Even when they were stubborn, it was fabulous watching them grow and figure out what they were capable of. I didn’t have any trouble with my weight when they were in this stage! I think my favorite memories from this time was when they would be so defiant, but then just want to cuddle, and learning new words and trying to express themselves.
Elementary age was more of the same, just on a higher level. I never tired of answering questions and explaining all that peaked their interests. Children are little sponges! That’s a saying for a reason… I homeschooled off and on over the years, and being such a big part of that growth truly inspired me. A child’s mind is a blank slate, where the things they see and hear will be forever written. I always took that very seriously.
Middle School – OK. This is the only time period I really didn’t like. Maybe because I have 3 boys, but even for my girl, this period seems to be the most challenging. Kids in this space are really trying to figure themselves out – and where they fit. They are usually pretty gross too…. At least, mine were. (are – hahaha) If anyone has ever considered home schooling, this is the age. It’s the time where you can have the greatest impact – instead of their peers. They are still yours! They still need you, now more than ever! I think many parents start to pull away during this period, when it’s really the time to pull in. It’s definitely the time to be the keeper of your word – to have clear boundaries and to know what hills you are willing to die on. Prepare for this, and don’t give up – that’s my advice. I’m just glad we all survived.
High Schoolers…. Well. Honestly, I loved this too. It was probably harder on me than them, as I know parenting is a runway into adulthood… you are near the end of that runway and preparing them is at the highest level. I wanted to do so much more for each of them, when I knew I shouldn’t. I remember my daughter could only have 4 saves a year – that is, 4 times I would run whatever it was she forgot to wherever she was…. After the 4th time, whatever the consequences were to forgetting, she would have to suffer. It killed me!! I think there were a couple of years she got 5 or 6… Now, as a college graduate, she is much better at remembering… but I’ve come to think forgetfulness is in the DNA somewhere…
Consequences. That’s the hardest part of this whole parenting thing – and it becomes even bigger when they are in college and on their own. I think most parents 
want to protect their kids from unsavory consequences, but in doing so we stunt their growth.
Responsibility is learned, not assimilated. Kids have to see it and experience it in order to do it.
Now, as I “parent” adults, it’s a constant exercise in self-control. Not telling them what to do. Not trying to help – unless asked. It’s not checking on them everyday or expecting them to include me in everything. Agh. It’s about faith, and trusting God, and even just trusting them. It’s easier though, when you have seen it coming and have traveled the “run-way” with your kids. Praying is the biggest influence we have, and it is what can keep you focused on what matters.
Being a Mother-in-Law and a Grandma is also a whole new ballgame! I want them to leave and cleave, and grow together.
I did my best to teach my kids dependence on the Lord instead of me. I won’t always be here, but He will be. I will mess up, (and OH have I ever) but He won’t ever leave them or forsake them. He created them. Not me. He sustains them. Not me. He has a plan for their lives and it’s way better than anything I could have come up with.
It’s so cool to see my kids living their lives now. I still remember those “firsts” like they were yesterday, but seeing them launched into the life God has for them, is just A-MAZing.
My top 10 things to remember in parenting? (I wrote a while ago on the Top 10 Ways to Parent a Teenager)
Set clear boundaries – don’t be wishy-washy
Be proactive not reactive!
Remember it’s a run-way. There’s a process to a launch!
Consequences and trials grow us/them more than anything. Really.
God loves them more than you do.
Responsibility is taught…
Always, always put your spouse first (after God)… it makes the nest a much happier place when it is finally empty. (getting a dog helps too..)
Pray. Pray. Pray.
Pray with them from birth – all the way through. Never stop praying for them and with them when you can. Pray for their challenges, their victories and most importantly, their hearts – pray for their future spouses too! It teaches them that God is in everything – and he hears and answers. That’s the best lesson we can teach them.
I am so far from a perfect parent – I learned the most through the trials though, and for that I am grateful. Really.
What was your favorite time?
Xo
Two of my sons got married recently… three and a half months apart. Barely time for this mama’s head to stop spinning! Our family has added 2 new daughters as well as 3 new grandchildren and 1 on the way!
My boys married very well. Both brides are from years past, and have grown up, drifted apart and reconnected with our family. Both women bring out the absolute best in my sons, and I can see the love they have for each other, as it is as obvious as the grey in my hair! (even with Loreal it’s pretty obvious)
I will admit that this has all been a little overwhelming – in an amazing, fabulous, OH MY GOSH kind of way. To me, getting married is the biggest deal next to accepting Christ as your Savior. So choosing a life partner has been the focus of many prayers for them, and my prayers have been answered.
So, why write a post about it? A common theme at weddings and showers that I’ve attended, is to offer some marriage advice… Ya know, write it down on a piece of
paper and put it in the jar… or a date night idea. I’m not as good with the creative date night stuff, but advice? I’ve got plenty of that after a couple of failed marriages, years of counseling and a pretty AH-Mazing marriage for the past 18 years. I was also thinking, if I did it in my blog, then I won’t seem like a meddling mother-in-law either… right?
So here’s my top 10 list of advice I would offer any married couple;
1. Never go to bed mad, or in a argument. Agree to disagree if you must, but always kiss good night. (Eph 4:26)
2. Love covers a multitude of sins – it’s a verse for a reason. Remember that you chose and love each other first. Love is verb. (1 Peter 4:8)
3. Your spouse isn’t supposed to complete you, no matter what the movies say. Only Christ gets that job. The sooner you stop putting that expectation on each other, the sooner you can get on to really appreciating what you each bring to the marriage. (Col 2:10)
4. Assuming all of your past relationships have failed, then your experiences haven’t been successful… so remember that. Neither one of you is perfect, or really even know how to have a good marriage. Accepting that in yourself and in your spouse will alleviate some unmet exceptions and keep you humble. You are both on the learning curve – together.
5. Accepting #4 should naturally bring you both to a place of learning – God’s Word says a lot about marriage! Study it together. Look to seemingly happy marriages around you – ask for help – ask for advice. Go to counseling if you feel lost. Just try. There’s no shame in that game! (as my man says, “Never Give Up!”)
6. Even though you are still individuals, you are now joined together. The marriage is a life of it’s own, with 100% of each of you. Dying to self for the marriage covenant is where you really live out the “love is verb” thing. Treat it as the sacred gift that it is.
7. Get in community that’s doing life where you are – and more importantly, where you want to be. If you want a godly marriage, get in a group of people that are working on that same goal.
8. Your spouse should come second only to God. Your marriage should come before your kids. They will grow up and leave, and cleave, and you will be left with each other. If you don’t invest and keep your relationship at the helm, the empty nest will be a very lonely place. Plus, a happy marriage is the best place for nurturing your children.
9. Date! Even if it’s just a walk around the block. Connect weekly if you can’t daily! Have a party and set out a jar and little pieces of paper and ask folks to give you ideas if you’re lost… or just google some great ideas… Whatever you do, just do it!
10. Pray. Pray together even when you’re tired. Pray when you start and end your day, and especially if you’re mad at each other. It’s really hard to hold onto your anger when you are holding on to each other at the throne of God.
So, that’s my top 10. There’s many more I could list, but these are the ones that have come to mind for a short post… These are the things that I pray for my children’s marriages. If you would like more advice, feel free to ask. I’m practicing being quiet unless asked these days. I’m a mother-in-law after all. Really.
What would you add to this list?
Our 17 year old is about to start the spring baseball season. His goal at this point is to prepare for college ball.. We have set some goals and boundaries, and he is well aware that there are no guarantees, but the journey will be fun and rewarding in and of itself. Having 3 boys and an x-sports reporter husband, we know ALL about sports around here, and we have participated in a few… but baseball is numero uno.
We have had our kids in recreational sports, travel leagues, and on school teams. My husband has been a team manager, assistant coach, and spectator. I have even subjected myself to the role of team mom, and, inadvertently learned how to keep a score book, which has resulted in a crippling dent to my sideline sociability. We all have run score boards, sold BBQ tickets, candy and coupons, and have done our time sweating to death in a concession booth.
Recreational sports programs are a unique, cult like experience. You have your super stars, and your not so super stars. The jersey number is sacred, and you know who’s there by the decals on the mini vans and SUV’s in the parking lot.. There’s plenty of nepotism and partiality. Every good ballpark has their share of screamers and cussers, as well as angry and bad parents. Over the years, we have been pretty blessed with some awesome families on our teams… for the most part. I can tell you that many “player drafts” take the parents behavior and support into full consideration. No one wants the “banned” or trouble parent, even if their kid is a pretty good player.
Last year, our team was delayed for our field time, because a player in the game before ours lost his temper over a tough call. The player tried to hurt the umpire, then, once ejected from the game, and the park, his father hit him in the head which resulted in the boy returning the favor, but with his cleats – thus, the authorities were called. Really? We have seen players purposely trip, hit and push other players, to only be rewarded by their coach. Years ago, we even witnessed 2 coaches that were on the same team, get into a full blown fist fight in the dugout… in front of about 22 ten year olds and their families.
With all of that being said, having your children play recreational sports can be a very fun and rewarding experience. Seriously. Your kids can learn to be a team 
player and a friend. If your coach is good, the players will understand the actual game that they are playing. They may also realize that working hard and setting goals is good, and they can hopefully learn to win with humbleness, and lose with dignity. Unfortunately though, the trend of prideful, out of control parents, kids, and coaches, is becoming more and more common. That is not fun or rewarding …for anyone. Good, responsible adults seem to be the minority and bad examples are being set.
We need a reset, and it all starts at home. First, know that whatever your priorities are as a family, will set the foundation of priorities for your kids… If sports take precedence over going to Church, don’t be surprised when your kids grow up and keep that standard. If the sports schedule deems higher importance over the rest of the families schedule, don’t be surprise if your kid thinks they are more important… If parents encourage, and remember that all the players, on both teams, are just young people, the mean trash talk should dissipate… Sports can be awesome, but it’s even better if long term perspective isn’t lost. Set your boundaries and goals ahead of time. That will save you from reactive parenting and issues later. Trust me.
There are hundred’s of thousands of kids playing sports all over the world today. Less than 1% will actually make it to the big leagues. They are kids. The shaping of their character is far more important than how far they can hit a ball. Teach them to play, and give it their best, but let’s put sportsmanship first and skill second. Remember, it’s just a GAME that begins when the umpire yells, “PLAY ball!” Really.
I wrote this over 6 years ago, and while revisiting it this morning, I tried to think of what I would add… Not too much, and I honestly needed to read this for myself again today.
I’ve seen some blog posts lately that were the letters from the authors to themselves at a much younger age… The, “if I knew then, what I know now” wisdom posts. So, to be a “follower”, and to impart some learned lessons, I thought I would have a go at it too…
At this ripe old age of 44, I can look back at myself at 22, and see a completely different person. I’m actually amazed at the work God has done in my life thus far! If I could write a letter to myself at 22, I would say;
Dear Jennifer;
I know you feel like you have the world on your shoulders, and you can handle it. I know that you think perfection is expected in this life of ours, and I see how you strive for it in almost everything you do. You worry too much, and care too much about things that aren’t going to last… You clean too much, and expect too much from everyone around you. The time spent trying to earn approval and love is in vain my friend. So, to save you a few wrinkles, and a couple of prescriptions, I have some advice…
God loves you. Period. He created you, and cares for you like no other. He really is all you need – I know that sounds silly, but when you spend time with Him, you will see… All peace and joy – as well as acceptance, can be found in Him… So, open that Bible more, and get to know the One that made you.
Humans were never meant to be “your everything”… No man, woman, friend, parent or even your children were designed to fulfill you completely. The only person that will complete you is Jesus Christ. The sooner you grasp that, the easier the let downs and heart breaks will be. No one is perfect, and don’t expect them to be.
Marriage isn’t about warm fuzzies and romance all the time. It’s about commitment. It’s about remembering that 
the word love is a verb, not a feeling. Your marriage can be more than warm fuzzies and romance, if you have Christ in the middle of it. Seriously. When you can pray with and for your spouse, it takes the marriage to a new level. When you share the spiritual, as well as everything else – everything rocks… Really.
The Bible is relevant! Anything and everything is in there! It really has instructions for life, from the Creator of life! Don’t ever think you know more than the one who created you… His ways may seem restrictive sometimes, but it’s really for your own protection! You’re greatest blessings will come out of obedience… I promise.
The grass is never greener. Just water yours and plant some flowers… Then yours will not only be greener, but it will be prettier and smell good too.
Pets are a full time commitment. Dogs are even a bigger one…if you can’t feed them well, afford the vet or have time to walk them, don’t get one… It’s not fair to them or to you.
Enjoy your children when they are little! Don’t rush the walking and talking thing! (Potty training – you can rush) Don’t hurry your babies through, and wish for them to grow up fast… I know it’s hard sometimes but it will be gone in a flash – and parenting young adults is WAY harder…
You really don’t know it all. I promise, you will be embarrassed when you get older and see how much you really didn’t know, but thought you did… Really.
Don’t drink too much. It’s really a waste of good money and brain cells. It doesn’t make you cooler, and it can be pretty dangerous for you, and for others. Money is better spent on so many other things! (missions, books, massages, netflix… coffee…..)
Life is short and no one makes it out alive … Try to think ETERNALLY. What kind of legacy are you going to leave behind? Stop thinking you have plenty of time to do those “grown up” things… NO one is promised tomorrow.
Cherish Every Day. Every single morning is new shot. A do over. A brand new shiny opportunity to try again. Actually, every minute is new too. We never get one back – time is the one fleeting thing that can’t be bought, borrowed or stored. You have been giving this minute right now… Set a daily reminder to stay aware and grateful.
Everything matters. People matter most – more than jobs, houses, entertainment, technology, sports and even shoes… When the stranger in the coffee isle starts telling you her life story, listen, because she matters.
Self control, patience, gratitude and humbleness are a few of the greatest qualities you can have, so strive for those… No matter what the culture around you is doing! It will bless your life, and be a blessing to others.
Wear sun block. Just do it. Trust me.
Communication. This is the key to all relationships. Knowing when to be quiet, or share the truth… Don’t assume someone knows your intent. They rarely ever do, even those closest to you. Be clear or be quiet – always. This issue has never been more prominent than in this age of texting. A text message doesn’t convey emotion, no matter how may emoji’s you use. Have something important to discuss? CALL or MEET in person! Really.
Mani-Pedi’s and massages are not weird or indulgent. Sometimes they are just what you or a friend needs.
Date Intentionally. Whether it’s intentional for marriage or for just friendship… those are the only 2 acceptable reasons. Know someone’s spiritual identity, friends, family, temperament and goals before you even kiss… saves you from kissing too many Mr. Wrongs. Sounds near impossible in todays culture right? Well, you were made to stand out, not blend in… and your kisses are really, REALLY valuable.
Last, but not least, Pray. Pray as often as you can. The more comfortable you are talking to God, the easier it will be for you to hear Him answer you.
Growing up isn’t that bad. You’re going to like it. Really.
What would say to the 22 year old you?
I read plenty of blogs and books about forgiveness and grace and how the Father’s arms are open wide. I also read posts about hope for children as they grow and how everything will be ok. Really?
But what if you are in the position of the Dad in that story. (Luke 15:11-23) What if your child is still out there in the pig pen, even though you did the best you could. How do you get to the place of daily living and being ready to open those arms when and IF they return?
I love that picture of love, grace and forgiveness for the returning son. I am a true recipient of it. I was in the mud and the muck and my heavenly father lifted me right out of it. (Ps 40:2) I don’t even remember running to Him – He was just there, pulling me to himself, washing the grime and shame right off my face. He beckoned me and I went. Without that daily grace and love in my life I just know I would curl up in a ball and never function.
It’s that unconditional love that I have been given that stirs the desire in me to share it with everyone, especially my children. I want to be that person, patiently waiting with open arms, filled with love and grace. But what if that child doesn’t want it and what if they never come? And what about those times I just don’t think I can?
Nothing in life guarantees that the sweet toddler you can’t get enough of will grow into the adult you have envisioned. The reality is, they will grow up and be the person they want to be, and God will allow trials and consequences to grow and shape them. (James 1:2-4) You can love them till it hurts and it might not make a difference for a very long time or seemingly never at all. How then do you have hope and patience? How do you get through those times of blaming yourself, fear or regret?
One of my favorite verses is Phil 4:13. “You can do all things through Christ, who strengthens you.” We can do all things. We can love when it seems undeserved. We can bite our tongues when all we want to do is scream. (Col 3:12-13) We can pray continually and feel the flood of God’s peace fill our hearts and minds when all seems lost. (Phil 4:6-7) We can rest in the real hope that God is sovereign, and He can and will take care of everything, either in this world or the next. (Rom 8:28) We can cast our burdens on Him, and He will take it. (Ps 55:22) We can be that person, with open arms, without judgment, when the prodigal returns. Even if that child doesn’t return, we can cry out in the stillness of pain, and know that God is God and that can still be enough.
Find your peace and hope in the eternal Abba Father that is worthy of it. Love your children and enjoy the moments you have with 
them. It’s the closest example we have of how God loves us. Just never forget they belong to Him first, last and forever. We can do our humanly best, and even our worst, and God is still in control. I believe that’s how the Prodigal Son’s father did it. His hope was always in the sovereign One who made us all.
One of my favorite quotes is this: “Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.” Fernando Sabino
Sometimes the end takes a very long time to get here and sometimes it’s here in a flash. Either way, it’s never quite what we expected. But, if we’ve spent time dwelling in the awareness of the ever-present God, and we’ve learned to acknowledge Him in all our ways, when that end finally does arrive, we will be ok… And what a celebration it will be!…Really.
After parenting 4 amazing kids, for almost 30 years, I thought I would share some of the toughest things I’ve had to learn (and am still learning) through the process…
Top 10 Ways to Parent a Teenager
that you regularly do with your kid – that’s different than the daily grind. Be intentional.
say, “I told you so.” Don’t even say, “I was afraid that would happen.” Consequences will be hard enough when they hit the wall. Having you there to listen and love will be much better, and will set the foundations for the impending friendship that you just might have with them someday. I’m not saying save them from consequences – Don’t do that. That’s how they learn and grow. I’m saying to love them through it. They already know they messed up. They don’t need us pointing that out again and again, or telling them what they should’ve done. This would be a great time to implement #1 …Parenting teens is hard. They are emotionally driven, hormonal, men/women children under our stewardship! Thank God we have all of those sweet memories of their first steps and loose teeth to remind us how much we love them! They are not always going to like us, and will most likely even tell us that they hate us. (which usually means you’re doing something right) They are full of passion, ideas, hope and energy. God help us.
This list is far from complete. I could have made this a “Top 100”. These are just the ones that were the hardest for me to learn. I didn’t even address dating! That’s a blog post all unto itself. Really.
What would you add to this list?
I am on the development team for a ministry called NBS2go. (Neighborhood Bible Study to Go –www.NBS2go.com ) The founder of this ministry is kind of obsessed with rocks, shells, and just about anything that look likes a heart. She loves to share how God revealed to her through these hearts that God is awakening hearts all around the world, through neighborhood Bible studies. She has quite an impressive collection to say the least! It’s always exciting to see another heart shape in something… She seems to find them EVERYWHERE!
Yesterday I was at the beach with my family. My husband and 2 of my kids went walking after dinner, and my husband asked me if I was keeping my eyes open for “hearts” for my sweet friend. Wow. Honestly, I hadn’t been looking. I was too concerned with walking in the sand and not stepping on something sharp. So, I begin looking. My husband found one right away! I kept walking and walking, and looking. I would see one, that kind of looked like a heart, but not a really good one – I wanted a totally obvious one – no imagination required!
We walked for quite a while before turning back. I kept looking and passing over the partial looking hearts… and then it hit me. How many times am I too busy or concerned with my own walk or my own safety (mental or physical) to seek out hearts for God? How did my heart look when someone shared that love with me? Then when I do finally decide to look, it doesn’t matter how long I walk, or have walked… How many hearts have I walked right passed, and not shared the love of Christ with because I didn’t think the circumstances were “just right”? Imagination required. Or better yet, faith required.
I didn’t find a heart yesterday, but my husband did. I was bummed, but then I was also reminded that one heart is just as important to 
God as a whole bucket full. (Luke 15:3-7)I love how the Spirit reminds me of truth, and opens my own heart and eyes to the love He has for every single heart out there. The good news is that it’s never too late. My prayer is that I will find one, either on the beach tomorrow, or back home in my very own neighborhood. Really.
I got myself something for Christmas this year… a puppy! Yes, I know. Your first thought is, “are you 
crazy?” or maybe it was “better you than me”, or maybe you just laughed and shook your head. I assume that, because that’s normally how I respond when someone tells me that they basically lost their little minds to the unending cuteness, whining, and the pitter-patter of four little paws.
If you are familiar with my blog, you might remember my posts about my crazy dog that had issues beyond what training, Prozac, and a dog whisper could fix. I had to put him down about 6 months ago, because he was hurting himself uncontrollably. It was extremely difficult, and I am still saddened by the loss. I swore I 
was done with pets, and I was just going to keep our older dog comfortable till it was 
her time, and then we would be a pet free home. Now I have a twelve and a half, year old lab, pit mix and a thirteen-week-old Morkie. I guess I need to be more careful with my resolutions.
It all started when one of my best friends bread her little Yorkie with her next-door neighbors Maltese. She was only planning on 2-3 puppies. One each for the parents and one for my friend’s daughter. When the time came, though, that little yorkie birthed six puppies! I went over to see them when they were only 3 days old… and was sold.
After that, I visited the litter once or twice a week. I choose my puppy when they were about 2 weeks, 
and didn’t name her till 6 weeks. Naming a puppy is harder than it sounds. I had decided on the name, Rue, but after visiting her again and calling her that, I quickly realized that couldn’t be her name. Her name is Olive, and it suits her perfectly.
I brought her home at 7 weeks. The first week was a little tough. She was not too happy about sleeping without her family. After my experience with my other crazy pup, I am 
determined to train my little Olive by the book. No sleeping with me, unless the sun is up. It only took about a week, or maybe two, but she now loves her crates, and she even goes into them on her own for naps. I don’t have to worry about her at night, or when we leave the house, because she is safe and content in her crate.
Housebreaking is a full time job though. My friend had Olive and her family in a crate, and began paper-training right away. By increasing the puppy’s area, and decreasing the newspapers, Olive learned pretty quickly that newspapers were potties. She also took them outside to the same place 
shortly after feeding, so they were learning to go outside as well. Strangely, Olive only likes to go in mulch. It’s better for me. I don’t have to clean up the yard and it fertilizes my garden.
Now, I feed her on a schedule, and I have figured out how long it takes her to digest. She goes outside 95% of the time, and then she will use the newspaper if I don’t make it. At 13 weeks old, she only misses occasionally.
Puppies are a lot of work. Three of my four kids are grown and moved on, and my youngest is in high school. I kind of thought having this puppy would help me fill my mama 
void. Don’t get me wrong, parenting adults is still fulfilling, and definitely a big part of my life, but something about having a puppy… a little, fluffy, lovable animal, that listens, and loves unconditionally, and is always happy to see you…something about a puppy can make any bad day better. Really.
Do you have a puppy story?
I wrote this post last year – and for the record, I still hold to it… BUT, I will add, that my youngest son is named after Saint Nicholas Day, and we have always told the kids the actual truth about who the man really was – a wonderful saint of a man, that loved and cared for children, in the name of Christ… you can keep your traditions, with out lying or trying to convince your children to believe in the lie… the truth really is fun… I swear.
* Spoiler Alert (if you believe the above are real, do not read this post)
There are many “acceptable” lies that some parents tell their children. The 3 biggies are: Santa, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
I honestly never gave these things much thought, except the Easter Bunny… As a Christian, I always had trouble making the leap from Christ’s resurrection to a giant egg- leaving rabbit, but that’s not my point today.
It seems that many parents in America don’t have a problem telling their kids that a big fat man, a giant bunny, and a fairy, will sneak into their homes, in the dark of night, and leave surprises. Some parents even drag their kids to the mall, stand in line, and put them on a strange person’s lap for a picture…. When I put it that way, it sounds kinda creepy, doesn’t it? I’ve had parents tell me that it’s fun! It’s tradition! It’s harmless and kids love it. Seriously?
I used to leave reindeer snacks, cookies, and carrots out for our annual intruders. I never even really minded that my kids didn’t have to thank me for their gifts cause they were from Santa, and he wasn’t there on Christmas morning. If you are a parent that has had your kids write thank you letters to Santa – kudos! I tried… but then forgot, and my kids didn’t remind me. Those dang kids.
It all changed one day back in 1997, when my darling daughter had just turned 5. My second child told her that all of these American icons, where not real. She came to me, and asked if it was true. I sat down and confirmed what her stinker brother had said. She looked right at me, with big blue, tear filled eyes, and said, “Mommy, why did you lie to me?” Really. My heart broke. I told her all of those great reasons, and she said, “but mommy, it’s not fun. it always scared me”. After that, we had a family meeting and we found out that all of our kids found it a little scary, and they never really understood the
connections… Santa/Birth of Christ, Bunny/Christ resurrection or Teeth/Fairies… At the time, I was expecting my fourth child and the kids informed me that, if we planned on “lying” to the baby, they would not participate.
That was the end of the mystical characters in our home.
It has served us well, even though some of my friends have been annoyed with us. Especially when my kids told their kids the “truth”…(sorry) Through all of that though, it was probably one of the best changes for our family. Christmas is now 3 gifts, a “myrrh” is something for their bodies, a “frankincense” is for their minds and a “gold” is a treasure that they have wanted. We still do the stocking for our country tradition, and we fill them with small fun things. Easter is focused just on Christ, but we still will participate in a good egg hunt on occasion, and we have had a photo or 2 with the Bunny…just for fun. When the kids lost a tooth, they just handed to me…and I handed them some cash…lame. I know. You can judge me all you want next time you are waiting for your kid to fall asleep, and then spend 15 minutes digging under their pillow looking for a tooth…
We are always honest with our kids, even in the name of fun. We leave the make-believe to their imaginations…. If you are a die hard traditionalist, good for you. But if you ever want to come over to the less stressful side.. I’ll be waiting. 😀
I have also written a post about the, “Merry Christmas” vs. “Happy Holidays”… if your interested, read it HERE.
I would love to hear how YOU handle the holiday!