Tag Archives: love

Because Everyone Loves Marriage Advice, Right?

Because Everyone Loves Marriage Advice, Right?
Because Everyone Loves Marriage Advice, Right?

Two of my sons got married recently… three and a half months apart. Barely time for this mama’s head to stop spinning! Our family has added 2 new daughters as well as 3 new grandchildren and 1 on the way!I do

My boys married very well. Both brides are from years past, and have grown up, drifted apart and reconnected with our family. Both women bring out the absolute best in my sons, and I can see the love they have for each other, as it is as obvious as the grey in my hair! (even with Loreal it’s pretty obvious)

marry meI will admit that this has all been a little overwhelming – in an amazing, fabulous, OH MY GOSH kind of way. To me, getting married is the biggest deal next to accepting Christ as your Savior.  So choosing a life partner has been the focus of many prayers for them, and my prayers have been answered.

So, why write a post about it? A common theme at weddings and showers that I’ve attended, is to offer some marriage advice… Ya know, write it down on a piece ofdate night and advice paper and put it in the jar… or a date night idea. I’m not as good with the creative date night stuff, but advice? I’ve got plenty of that after a couple of failed marriages, years of counseling and a pretty AH-Mazing marriage for the past 18 years. I was also thinking, if I did it in my blog, then I won’t seem like a meddling mother-in-law either… right?

So here’s my top 10 list of advice I would offer any married couple;

1. Never go to bed mad, or in a argument. Agree to disagree if you must, but always kiss good night. (Eph 4:26)
2. Love covers a multitude of sins – it’s a verse for a reason. Remember that you chose and love each other first. Love is verb. (1 Peter 4:8)
3. Your spouse isn’t supposed to complete you, no matter what the movies say. Only Christ gets that job. The sooner you stop putting that expectation on each other, the sooner you can get on to really appreciating what you each bring to the marriage. (Col 2:10)
4. Assuming all of your past relationships have failed, then your experiences haven’t been successful… so remember that. Neither one of you is perfect, or really even know how to have a good marriage. Accepting that in yourself and in your spouse will alleviate some unmet exceptions and keep you humble. You are both on the learning curve – together.
5. Accepting #4 should naturally bring you both to a place of learning – God’s Word says a lot about marriage! Study it together. Look to seemingly happy marriages around you – ask for help – ask for advice. Go to counseling if you feel lost. Just try. There’s no shame in that game! (as my man says, “Never Give Up!”)
6. Even though you are still individuals, you are now joined together. The marriage is a life of it’s own, with 100% of each of you. Dying to self for the marriage covenant is where you really live out the “love is verb” thing. Treat it as the sacred gift that it is.
7. Get in community that’s doing life where you are – and more importantly, where you want to be. If you want a godly marriage, get in a group of people that are working on that same goal.
8. Your spouse should come second only to God. Your marriage should come before your kids. They will grow up and leave, and cleave, and you will be left with each other. If you don’t invest and keep your relationship at the helm, the empty nest will be a very lonely place. Plus, a happy marriage is the best place for nurturing your children.
9. Date! Even if it’s just a walk around the block. Connect weekly if you can’t daily! Have a party and set out a jar and little pieces of paper and ask folks to give you ideas if you’re lost… or just google some great ideas… Whatever you do, just do it!
10. Pray. Pray together even when you’re tired. Pray when you start and end your day, and especially if you’re mad at each other. It’s really hard to hold onto your anger when you are holding on to each other at the throne of God.

wedding funSo, that’s my top 10. There’s many more I could list, but these are the ones that have come to mind for a short post… These are the things that I pray for my children’s marriages. If you would like more advice, feel free to ask. I’m practicing being quiet unless asked these days. I’m a mother-in-law after all. Really.

What would you add to this list?

Everyone relates to the Prodigal Son…What about the Dad?

Everyone relates to the Prodigal Son…What about the Dad?
Everyone relates to the Prodigal Son…What about the Dad?

I read plenty of blogs and books about forgiveness and grace and how the Father’s arms are open wide.  I also read posts about hope for children as they grow and how everything will be ok. Really?

But what if you are in the position of the Dad in that story.  (Luke 15:11-23) What if your child is still out there in the pig pen, even though you did the best you could. How do you get to the place of daily living and being ready to open those arms when and IF they return?

I love that picture of love, grace and forgiveness for the returning son.  I am a true recipient of it.  I was in the mud and the muck and my heavenly father lifted me right out of it.  (Ps 40:2

) I don’t even remember running to Him – He was just there, pulling me to himself, washing the grime and shame right off my face.  He beckoned me and I went.  Without that daily grace and love in my life I just know I would curl up in a ball and never function.

It’s that unconditional love that I have been given that stirs the desire in me to share it with everyone, especially my children.  I want to be that person, patiently waiting with open arms, filled with love and grace.  But what if that child doesn’t want it and what if they never come?  And what about those times I just don’t think I can?

Nothing in life guarantees that the sweet toddler you can’t get enough of will grow into the adult you have envisioned.  The reality is, they will grow up and be the person they want to be, and God will allow trials and consequences to grow and shape them.  (James 1:2-4) You can love them till it hurts and it might not make a difference for a very long time or seemingly never at all.  How then do you have hope and patience?  How do you get through those times of blaming yourself, fear or regret?

One of my favorite verses is Phil 4:13. “You can do all things through Christ, who strengthens you.” We can do all things. We can love when it seems undeserved. We can bite our tongues when all we want to do is scream.  (Col 3:12-13

) We can pray continually and feel the flood of God’s peace fill our hearts and minds when all seems lost. (Phil 4:6-7) We can rest in the real hope that God is sovereign, and He can and will take care of everything, either in this world or the next. (Rom 8:28) We can cast our burdens on Him, and He will take it. (Ps 55:22) We can be that person, with open arms, without judgment, when the prodigal returns.  Even if that child doesn’t return, we can cry out in the stillness of pain, and know that God is God and that can still be enough.

Find your peace and hope in the eternal Abba Father that is worthy of it. Love your children and enjoy the moments you have with mother prayingthem. It’s the closest example we have of how God loves us. Just never forget they belong to Him first, last and forever.   We can do our humanly best, and even our worst, and God is still in control.  I believe that’s how the Prodigal Son’s father did it.  His hope was always in the sovereign One who made us all.

One of my favorite quotes is this: “Everything will be ok in the end.  If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.” Fernando Sabino

Sometimes the end takes a very long time to get here and sometimes it’s here in a flash. Either way, it’s never quite what we expected.  But, if we’ve spent time dwelling in the awareness of the ever-present God, and we’ve learned to acknowledge Him in all our ways, when that end finally does arrive, we will be ok… And what a celebration it will be!…Really.

 

His Hands. A Father’s Day Poem

His Hands. A Father’s Day Poem

me & my best friend

His Hands

When I think about my husband and how blessed I truly am,

My thoughts always seem to go to his loving, caring hands.

I think about how strong they are as they carried all our babes,

And even carried me, when the strength had left my legs.

His hands work hard to earn a living, as he toils at his work,

He provides abundantly for our family, and never does he shirk.

I love the way his hands can be the Master of the grill,

He cooks, and cleans and fixes things all with focused skill.

His hands don’t ever mind the dirt or grime or dust,

They are always open for anything, always full of trust.

I think about the way his hands love to play guitar,

Listening to him play and sing, He will always be my star.

I love the way those hard working hands, can gently touch my skin,

And hold me close to his chest, so I can soak him in.

My favorite thing about his hands are when they praise our Lord,

To see them reaching for God’s love can make my spirit soar.

My husband is a blessing, a father without compare,

I bless him and thank God for him, this has always been my prayer.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the awesome Dad’s out there. May God Bless you…