Today I had an OCD day squared. I haven’t had one of those in a long time. My day consisted of paying both company and personal bills, going to the bank, getting my car serviced, taking one son to baseball practice, and lunching with another. Then I vacuumed my house, dusted, windexed, straightened, mopped, did all the laundry, shopped, and cooked.
I call that an OCD day because I was totally anal about all of it. My ADD kicked in as I flitted from task to task and even re-did a few things that needed it. (in my mind, anyway) I really got a lot done. Now I’m all tucked in my corner of the sofa with my laptop and remote control, waiting for Alcatraz to start. I was reflecting on my day, and I am surprised at how obsessively productive I was, since I haven’t had such a full day like this in a long time…
I used to be intense about lots of things. I guess you could say I was tightly wound, and had strong ideas and routines for everything. I spent hours cleaning grout and hanging baby clothes on tiny hangers… I had to have the lines just right in the carpet when I vacuumed. Everything had to have a box, or place… with a label. Disorder and conflict were strictly forbidden. Everyone thought my house was beautiful and clean. I had schedules, charts and lists. It was a great front. I worked so hard on things I had control over, because I couldn’t control so many other things that weren’t as obvious. The insecurities were overwhelming but the appearance was close to perfect.
Those days are long gone, as I have submitted to the authority who really has control over everything. It was an easy,
spiritual, and emotional experience to accept the One who has saved my soul, but letting go of the “control” that I thought I had, or didn’t have, is a different story. It is a slow, painful development, which continues today. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that this whole Christian walk is a process. Thank God.
So how does that translate into a clean house? I was productive, after all. I guess it just reminded me of how psycho I used to be. Have I regressed into my insecurities? Sure! Every now and then! But now, instead of dwelling, stressing, and dusting 3 times, I say a prayer, praise my Lord and I let it go. And it works…Really.
Do any of your old habits ever rear their heads in your new life? What do you do?